


human behaviour forgotten

by sinedeam



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Comfort, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Lowercase, M/M, Pining, TW: Vomit, Withdrawal, brain zaps, can be read as platonic, cw: food, domestic kinda, tw: mental health issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27895135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinedeam/pseuds/sinedeam
Summary: “i’m fucking duuumb” corpse groaned.“uh, i… may have run out of meds”___in which corpse has withdrawal symptoms but sykkuno is there to help him
Relationships: Corpse Husband & Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 166
Collections: Corpsekkuno Fic Exchange: Holidays 2020 edition!





	human behaviour forgotten

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thedarknesswithin (babylxxrry)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/babylxxrry/gifts).



> the title is based on "vanilla baby" by billie marten
> 
> hi joce!!! your prompts were soo good, but unfortunately i don't know how to write. so, please accept this blob based on the third prompt you wrote. i hope you'll like it. 
> 
> the fic is based on their personas online, pls don't bother them in real life! also, the mental health struggles and coping mechanisms are based on my expieriences and im in no way suggesting they behave in the same way. i wrote it, it's fiction. 
> 
> in this house we respect ppls mental health and support them even if its more complicated than anxiety and depression! even if it's hard af to deal with it. 
> 
> english is my second language so sorry for any mistakes  
> and thanks to aria and momoismywaifu for beta'ing

______✧

sykkuno was already streaming for two hours. it was just like the usual - rae invited him to a lobby, with toast, miyoung, poki and a couple others already in. they played proximity again, which meant sykkuno wasn’t about to do any of his tasks. he was just memeing around, standing on vents and pretending to double kill people, just to scare them a bit. it was actually pretty chill, making him laugh and relax. he couldn’t really read his chat, since he only got impostor two times. 

they were playing on mira, already getting ready for the last game. he was a crewmate this round – poop, his luck – , but he still almost convinced tina he was about to kill her. he actually got a pretty good plan this round; he told her he wouldn’t kill her if she would scream out loud she’s the impostor. tina hesitated, wanting to stay alive since she'd been killed first for the couple of last rounds, before she eventually agreed. they went together to medbay, passing toast and aria on the way, in which sykkuno began to convince her again to do the plan. he was laughing the whole time since threatening wasn’t a thing he was really good at. 

“look, it’s so easy,” he started again. “just… stand on this vent. here, stand on it with me.” he tried to bring her over, but her little character moved far from him. he winced. “okay, tina. just do the plan, otherwise… you know what’s gonna happen,” he hummed, getting so into his evilkkuno side, he was actually surprised by himself. 

and then tina did it. “aaah, sykkunooo, i'm gonna kill youuu,” she said loudly, her tone without any emotions. sykkuno had to burst out with a laugh at how fake it sounded, covering his smile with a hand. surely, no one passing by could fall for it. before he calmed himself down, a body was found, and the meeting was called. 

there were two dead bodies, aria’s and rae’s. as the others spoke, sykkuno was kinda shocked, trying to remember to himself who did he pass during the round. well, tina was safe, for sure. she spent the whole round with him, getting bribed into sykkuno’s evil plan. he was just about to say it, that she’s most definitely a crewmate, when she spoke up. 

“guyss, sykkuno was threatening me the whole round,” everyone gasped, shocked at how sykkuno, the anime boy, the true form of an angel, the definition of good, could ever threaten anyone. well, maybe he was exaggerating right now, but he liked to play along with this caricature of himself. tina started to explain what happened, and sykkuno giggled to himself at how bad was his plan and at how funny it sounded from tina’s perspective. 

“...and then he was about to make me into a corpse!” she yelled, with a lot of passion. sykkuno’s brain froze at the word. 

“wait, guys! it’s obvious it’s not me!” he defended himself, smiling a bit. “you guys know i wouldn’t make her into a corpse! there’s only one corpse, and he’s not here with us…” he stopped, anticipating a reaction at his bad pun. he only got some hisses, some negative sighs. even tina breathed an ‘ayy’ and toast quickly commanded “guys, vote him out, vote him out”. sykkuno was still laughing at how bad it was, when his character was seen dropped from the ship. 

being a ghost, he saw the character of rae fly to him. “hey, hey, sykkuno!” she greeted him, aria quickly following her. “that was a pretty bad one.” 

aria hummed in agreement while sykkuno nodded his head. aria made a circle around him and said after a second, “oh! and corpse isn’t playing, i just realized. that’s sad, he would’ve laughed.” 

sykkuno opened his eyes a bit at the thought of corpse. he usually did laugh, even at his worst jokes. it was actually pretty comforting, making sykkuno feel like someone was actually appreciating him trying to meme every game they had. even playing along with it sometimes. 

but recently he wasn’t able to play with them, unfortunately. sykkuno even considered making a lobby himself, knowing the younger would never say no to him. but at the same time, he didn’t want to pressure corpse into anything. he knew he had a lot going on right now, making a new song and creating his merch. he didn’t want to impose on him. 

only then rae spoke up again. “well, i actually texted him yesterday, but got no reply.” her voice seemed sad. 

oh? no reply? sykkuno frowned. “that’s not like corpse. he usually texts you back, even with just a simple ‘i can’t right now’. huh, that’s weird.” he said, trying to carefully formulate his words, not to say too much about their conversations. 

rae’s red ghost came closer to sykkuno, staying there, in the middle of the cafeteria. “that suuuurely is weird,” she replied, her tone sounding a bit sarcastic. sykkuno was a bit confused, not knowing where exactly she was going with it. 

“you know what?” she said again, a bit louder this time. “how about you ask him yourself, mister corpse-always-replies-to-me, huh? ask him why he doesn’t want to play with us anymore!” it sounded a bit condescending, but sykkuno just laughed shyly. well, it couldn’t hurt him to text the younger, could it? he tried to make a mental note to do that after the stream. they were probably going just another round. 

“sure, i’ll do that,” he replied to rae, keeping it in the same tone as her. she groaned loudly and circled his ghost again. 

“yeah, you better-” she stuttered, refraining from a laugh. “you b-better check on your corpse husband!” she immediately burst into laughter, while sykkuno’s eyes widened as he covered his mouth. “my wh-” rae was still laughing hard, and sykkuno felt his cheeks actually getting a little bit hot. he tried to cover it up, changing the topic. 

“so, um…” he cleared his throat. “do you know who both of the impostors are?” he asked, still recovering from the sudden skipped beat of his heart. oh jesus. 

“well, me and aria were both killed by toast, so i’m not sure about the second impostor. but we’ll surely get to know soon!” she said enthusiastically, flying slowly away from him. sykkuno nodded, also flying away from the cafeteria area, following different players. 

the game ended very quickly, with impostors winning. they did one last graceful double, remaining uncatched. well, it turned out the second impostor was tina. sykkuno was a bit shocked, knowing she could’ve killed him in the medbay era at the beginning of the round. but she didn’t, letting to sykkuno’s dumb joke and so on. it was actually a good strategy from her. 

  
  


after the last game, saying goodbye to his friends and chat, ending his stream, he grabbed his phone, remembering what he had to do. he relaxed on the chair, while looking for corpse’s phone number before quickly typing out a message. 

_ >> hi corpse, how are you feeling? _

he couldn’t even put down his phone because it started vibrating instantly, informing him about an upcoming call. the screen showed him in big letters, CORPSE. a little shocked at how quick he responded, sykkuno clicked the green button, accepting the call. 

he let out a little “hello,” as the only response he could hear was heavy breathing. he felt a little bit unsure, waiting for the younger to respond. sykkuno started to wonder, maybe there was no one on the other side? maybe corpse’s fingers slipped and accidentally called him instead of responding? sykkuno felt out of place, not knowing what to do. he already wanted to end the call, when finally corpse responded. 

“not good,” he said, his voice quiet and weak. oh? sykkuno was confused. he was also shocked at how corpse sounded right now.

“sorry, wh-what?” sykkuno asked, not wanting to misunderstand. 

“i feel like shit,” corpse laughed straight into the microphone. it sounded a little maniacal, and sykkuno actually got chills from it. 

“um,” sykkuno muttered back, unsure what to say. he wasn’t the best with cheering up his friends, often falling into bad moods himself. but he tried. “um, what happened, corpse?” he asked, a little embarrassed, “if you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. we can change the subject, if you want,” he added, really not wanting to offend his friend. he was starting to get concerned about corpse. 

a second passed, and sykkuno started tapping his phone lightly, out of habit. 

“i’m fucking duuumb,” corpse groaned, “uh, i… may have run out of meds.” he said, slower this time, like he was unsure of if to say that. “...couple days ago,” he chuckled again, and sykkuno widened his eyes. couple days? that’s a lot. and if corpse was talking about his antidepressants, and he probably was, that could only mean bad things. sykkuno had some experience with taking medication for his anxiety, fortunately not for long, but he knew that a sudden withdrawal was not the best for one's health. he remembered when he had forgotten to take them for one day and how he felt dizzy and out of control for the whole day. thankfully, he took them as soon as he was able to. he knew corpse was taking much stronger medication, and he felt fearful at what symptoms he might be going through. 

sykkuno nodded in understanding, even though corpse couldn’t see him right now. “have you contacted your doctor?” he asked softly, not wanting to infuriate corpse. he was an adult; he surely must know what to do in such a situation. even though, he thought, corpse was very vulnerable, and there was a chance he simply got overwhelmed by the situation. 

thankfully, corpse hummed in confirmation. “i did, i did. but… uh, there is a problem...” he stopped again, and sykkuno listened more carefully. “i’m too… i’m just not able to…” corpse clearly couldn’t find the right words, not sure how to bring up the information. “i can’t go outside. i simply can’t. i’m so sorry, sy.” he grunted low into the mic. “i’m not able to go to a pharmacy, i don’t have enough power, you know. uh.”

they both went quiet at that. sykkuno was a little shocked. what was he supposed to say? corpse must have been in a bad state right now. simple words of motivation and a quick cheer up weren’t the solution to his problems. heck, it wouldn’t even help corpse in any way. corpse didn’t have any meds left probably and was in a bad state, so if he wasn’t able to leave his apartment, there was no treatment for that. sykkuno had to think quickly. there was a thought of calling some help on corpse, but it quickly disappeared as sykkuno knew that it would probably make the situation even worse. think, sykkuno, think. he couldn't just… or could he…?

“corpse, maybe you could just like… send me the prescription? and i’ll try to… you know… get it for you,” he said slowly, not sure if the words leaving were truly his. he may have just lost his mind. buying prescribed medication was lowkey illegal, and sykkuno was a good boy who would never do anything against the law. but at the same time, he cared for corpse so deeply, as a good friend, but also so much more. listening about corpse’s daily suffering and his little problems made sykkuno slightly overprotective. while it didn’t seem so sometimes, with their dynamic and aesthetic, corpse was much younger than sykkuno and he sometimes felt like he was his older brother or someone like that. well, maybe not literally, because then their occasional flirting would be kind of weird…

“oh,” a little shocked sound left corpse’s mouth and brought sykkuno back to reality. “i think i can…? but i’m not sure if that’s…” corpse sounded very unsure about that, which made sykkuno wonder if maybe it was a bad idea to suggest it. but at the same time, he was so worried for his friend at this point, he wasn’t going to back off. “you don’t have to do that for me though, sykkuno. really, that’s kind of embarrassing.”

sykkuno protested instantly. “don’t say that. i would do anything for my dearest friend.” he tried to sound confident, but he was sweating a little bit. still, the sound of corpse grinning into the mic gave him a lot of power to do so. you can do this, sykkuno. you are helping your friend out. a friend needs you right now. that’s what matters. it can’t be that scary, right?

  
  
  


well, it was scary. sykkuno stood in the door of the pharmacy, too freezed to even move. his mind went blank. he was very anxious every time he would have to have some sort of social contact. he had to repeat once again what he was supposed to do. simply ask for the prescription, pretend he is someone from corpse’s family, pay for it and leave, like nothing happened. easy to do. or maybe not. he was afraid he would get caught and was already imagining the worst scenarios. like, police arriving instantly. the action wasn’t illegal at this point, but corpse’s medication list was long and someone could think sykkuno was a drug dealer. what then? what would he say to his family? what would bimbus do if sykkuno got arrested?

oh god, he should probably stop. those thoughts only made him sweat more. he pulled himself together and, with shaky legs, walked over to the pharmacist. she was a young girl, currently sitting on her phone, with brown, curly hair tied up into a space bun. sykkuno thanked god for the fact he was wearing a face mask; his popularity exploded recently, and she could potentially be his fan. maybe. he coughed quietly, to make the girl notice him. she put her phone down with a little “oh,” and smiled at sykkuno. “how can i help you?” she asked, with positivity typical for a seller. it wasn’t genuine, not like sykkuno wanted it to be. 

“uh,” he grunted, being under much stress. took out his phone and showed the prescription code on his phone. “prescribed meds,” he said, sounding probably very dumb. he had a much more better formulated sentence on the back of his tounge, but, of course, because of how stressful the situation was for him, he forgot. 

sykkuno blushed red as the pharmacist started to type the number into her computer. he fidgeted with his hands. it helped him stay sane with his current stress. he waited for a moment, trying not to make eye contact. he truly forgot sometimes how much of a shy person he is and how much social anxiety takes a toll on him. 

the girl looked at him, curious. “can i see your ID?” she asked slowly, observing sykkuno's stressed posture. 

oh no. here came the complications. sykkuno was in trouble. he rummaged through his pocket to look for his wallet. his cheeks were getting very hot, and he was once again thankful for the black mask sitting on his nose. 

while giving the pharmacist his ID, he felt like he had to say something. like an excuse. “it’s actually for my friend, he was just not able to come,” he rumbled, as if it was something to apologize for. it really wasn’t, but sykkuno just felt stupid. 

the girl raised her brow and made a little ‘oh’ sound. “a friend?” she asked again. he blushed again, knowing perfectly that it wasn’t enough. no one would sell prescribed drugs to a friend compared to being a spouse or a family member. he could have planned it beforehand better. 

he looked around the pharmacy, uncertainly. looking for some sort of inspiration, but honestly he just wanted to escape the whole place. he was the last person to ask for such things. it was a bad idea from the start. he was an awful person, unable to do simple tasks, like help a friend. he felt… just embarrassed. 

but the pharmacist’s face lit up in a second. “oh!” she said again, almost shouting at that. “i get it, i get it,” she added quickly, her face forming a warm smile. what exactly did she just get? sykkuno was too red and too anxious to say anything, his throat clenching. “it’s for your boyfriend, right?” his wh-! sykkuno’s eyes went big. where did she get such an idea? corpse was just his friend, no one else. well, at least that’s what he was constantly telling himself…

he didn’t even get to respond, he was just simply overwhelmed, when the pharmacist disappeared into the back room. he waited a couple seconds, still processing what the girl thought corpse was to sykkuno. she appeared again with a couple of little boxes in her hand and smiled fondly at him. again. sykkuno had to avoid her eye contact, too embarrassed and confused over the whole situation. she put the medication on the table and typed the price into the computer while sykkuno had reached for his credit card. he really wished that corpse would sooner or later transfer him the money for it, because how else would the older boy be able to pay for his water bill? he scolded himself for even thinking about such things right now. it didn’t matter now. the only thing that mattered was the fact that corpse felt unwell and sykkuno had to be there for him. 

  
  
  
  


as soon as he left the cursed pharmacy - with the cashier that was clearly too enthusiastic about gay rights, but thank god for that, because he probably wouldn’t get the meds if it wasn’t for that fact - he went to his car. while corpse lived in the same state, the address he texted him earlier would take up to two hours of driving. he sighed, not really prepared for such a long drive, but the motivation of wanting to be there for his friend kept him going. he texted his parents that he probably would return during the night since he is driving to the other end of the state. they seemed a little worried, but he assured them he was going to be fine, and he’ll eat something on the go. in fact, he already checked the area surrounding corpse’s apartment for a closeby chipotle and made sure to stop by, buying some for him and his friend. 

the whole ride he was trying not to overthink, but absolutely falling into it as soon as he went into the highway. why was he so anxious? while he might have seen corpse’s face a couple of times on facetime, he never actually met him in real life. not only that, he was scared that his help would not be enough, or, even worse, it would actually demotivate the already demotivated man even more. sykkuno also felt kind of worried that anything could happen in the time of him driving. a small voice in the back of his head was telling him the worst possible scenarios that could happen when sykkuno would arrive. the distraction in the form of playing some comforting beats didn’t help. if anything happened, sykkuno would blame himself for being too slow to react, too slow when buying the medication, too slow while driving. his thoughts were too much for him to drive, surely, so as soon as he left the highway, he had to stop for a minute, to relax his body and to text corpse a small “i’ll be soon:) hope you’re doing okay” message. 

  
  
  


when he finally arrived at the address, it was already really dark outside. since it was winter, and very close to the winter solstice, the days were very short,and the light would quickly disappear. it didn’t bother him that much since he was actually more of a fan of winter than summer. but he also made a note in his head that he’s probably going to be driving back in the night, and he’ll have to drink coffee not to fall asleep during driving. 

with the steaming hot bag of chipotle, he made his way upstair in the complex corpse was living in. he made a little ‘eh’ while opening the door since his other hand was occupied with the bag full of medication. he also wondered if he should get anything else but wasn’t really prepared for what was he about to see. 

he rang into corpse’s apartment and waited. a second passed. another. he put one of the bags on the floor, as he unlocked his phone again, choosing corpse’s number. he wanted to call him again, making sure he’s inside. or maybe sykkuno just simply got the apartment numbers wrong? but before he was able to actually click the call button, the door opened. it was dark inside, no lights on, only the glow from the corridor making the shadow appear before his eyes. 

corpse was looking… not so well. if one decided to use light words. he wasn’t wearing his mask, which struck sykkuno at first. his forehead was covered in messy, dark curls. one eye was hidden under an eye patch, and the second one was bloodshot and squinted. there were smudges of black eyeliner trailed with tears on the bags under his eye, which, combined with his pale skin marked with freckles, were leaving a contrast. his lips were chapped and, because of water deprivation, had some cuts. dressed in a dark hoodie and sweatpants, corpse’s posture was leaning forth and back. 

one could say that he looked like a literal corpse right now. but sykkuno was his friend who was genuinely worried and he wasn’t about to make any jokes. “hi corpse,” he said quietly, but, because of the concern he just stayed like that, looking at corpse, for a second. corpse clearly must have felt uncomfortable with this look on him, so he grabbed the older’s arm and trailed him into his apartment, closing the door with a loud shut. it was dark inside, only the light from the moon illuminating some space on the couch, in the living space. 

sykkuno actually felt kind of scared. corpse started going inside, and he wanted to follow, but when he took a step, he hit something hard with his shoe. clank. he heard a loud noise following it and blinked in surprise, wanting his eyesight to be more comfortable with the darkness. corpse groaned. “shit, sorry,” he murmured, as he switched on a small light on a side and went to collect the bottles on sykkuno’s path. the apartment was messy. very messy, sykkuno gasped at that. of course he wasn't extreme about cleanliness, but the sight in front of him was just horrid. there were some bottles, packages laying on the ground, accompanied by torn papers, a fallen poster and some kind of a beverage spilled on the floor. it looked like corpse’s apartment had been hit by a tornado. but it surely wasn’t, it must have been just how destructive corpse was off meds. 

sykkuno came closer to the younger. giving him the shopping bag with medication in it, he said, “uh, i also bought you a burrito for you to eat. i thought that maybe…” he looked around once again, not sure if he should be even saying that. he felt very uncomfortable. “... it will help you take the medication.” he finished, unsure. but corpse smiled at him weakly but surely, and it made sykkuno’s heart flatter a bit. he truly loved this man’s laugh, and it always made him feel better about himself whenever he could help or make corpse laugh. he loved it also this time. he was still concerned whether he could help his friend, if his presence will even help him right now, rather than simply make it worse. but that little smile reassured him a bit. 

he followed the younger to the couch, sitting on it with his foot curled. corpse was already grabbing the bags, looking through the packages. he took three of them in hand and slowly opened them, measuring his dose. after cutting his ration, he swallowed it with a nearby glass of water. he looked again at sykkuno and then at the package under his foot. sykkuno quickly grabbed it, pulling out the food. “i was in a rush while ordering it, but i remembered you are vegan, so…” he almost stuttered. with a tiny “eh”, he gave it to corpse and took a deep breath as they touched hands. corpse’s hands were big, veiny and cold. “i hope it’ll taste good.” he said it, sounding almost apologetic. 

corpse took the lukewarm burrito, smiling lightly. “thank you, sykkuno.” he knew that if he wanted the medication to work he had to eat something in a couple of minutes. anything, at this point. sykkuno was concerned that corpse might have not eaten too well, or even nothing in the time of the last few days. before starting the consumption, corpse said once again very quietly, “thank you for everything.” 

sykkuno didn’t want to stare at his friend just eating. it would probably make corpse even more uncomfortable. his gaze went from the silver, shiny orbital in corpse’s ear to his similarly shiny rings and childish bracelet with ‘bad bitch’ written on it. sykkuno was always fascinated by the whole aesthetic surrounding corpse, but having to look at him in real life, with the lights off, but still, he looked even more interesting. 

his gaze stopped on corpse’s sleeve. there it was, a weird stain of greasy liquid. the smell of it suddenly hit sykkuno’s nostrils and he realized that corpse had probably not showered in days. more than that, he must have vomited somewhere in the room, and it accidently got on his hoodie. he wasn’t going to make a comment over it, no, he was polite and he knew it would only make corpse feel worse about himself. so instead, he came out with a new proposition. “maybe you should take a shower and change your clothes? that could help with, you know, your well being.” he said. 

well, when sykkuno would have a bad mood or a head full of thoughts, he would also do that. simply relaxing with the flow of water and then dressing up in the fresh, cottony pyjamas was the best way for him to boost his mood. it always made him a little bit happier, even during the dark times. it was just a little thing, a little act of self care. it surely didn’t make his anxiety disappear and he wasn’t gonna suggest that corpse’s depression would dissolve into the water, but it clearly could have helped right now. he looked at corpse’s face for any reaction. 

corpse stopped eating, looking at sykkuno, then at the table with meds on it, then behind him, at the bathroom. then again at sykkuno. “yeah, that’s a good idea. thank you,” he rasped, his voice still strained. “but i… already took my ambien, and…” corpse’s cheeks went a tiny bit red after mentioning his sleeping pills. 

sykkuno knew being truthful and sincere was hard for the younger, but he really wanted to encourage him to speak honestly. it must have been hard, always hiding his feelings. sykkuno could kind of relate, but at the same time, no, he couldn’t. corpse’s life story was stuffed with terrible experiences and incidents. but sykkuno was really glad he still was trying to grasp and to fix things. that’s the reason sykkuno wanted corpse to feel comfortable with him, even though he surely wasn’t the best person to help. but having a person who just supported him and was there for him must have been something, right? corpse would do all of this for him too. 

corpse’s fingers went slowly over his greasy hair. the room was still half lit and his eyes looked very sad as the light reflected in them. “it’s so embarrassing to ask, but could you accompany me in the bathroom?” he said, immediately regretting his words, as sykkuno’s cheeks flushed red. he quickly corrected himself, “i mean, you can just stand there at the door,” he chuckled lightly, his voice still raspy. continuing even quieter, more unsure. “in case i would do anything to myself, i just…” his hand went into the air, as if he wanted to gesticulate something, but, not controlling it, it started to shake. corpse looked at it with his wide eyes, and he quickly moved it onto his thigh, grabbing it extensively. 

sykkuno looked at him, not knowing exactly what to say or what to do. a voice on the back of his head was telling him to hug corpse and never let him go. he looked so miserable, and sykkuno just wanted to protect him. but he didn’t, because he was just too afraid, too shy, too unsure of his feelings. instead he put his hand over the younger’s shaking one, trying to calm him down. “corpse, it’s okay. i’ll be there, nothing’s gonna happen.” he said, smiling, trying to act cool and sure. but really, he wasn’t. he was so scared for and of corpse, if anything would happen, he wouldn’t have known how to react. he already almost panicked when driving, but it looks like it wasn’t going to be easier now. the medication needed some time to kick in and even after that, it would probably take corpse days to recover to his previous state. 

but it didn’t matter now, because sykkuno was here and was ready to do anything for his friend. it was always hard for him to befriend anyone, even more for them to care about him in the same way he does. but with corpse it was different, their energies, being totally opposite of each other, just clicked with each other. corpse was always there for sykkuno, ready to listen to him, laugh at his stupid jokes, make him comfortable with others around. he felt like someone finally understands him. and now, sitting in corpse’s dark living room, sykkuno could just think about how hard it must be for the younger and how much pain he must be in. 

as corpse finished eating, sykkuno stood up energetically. “c’mon, corpse! we should find you some new clothes!” he said surely, but his voice was still quiet and calm. pulling out his hand to the taller man, he helped him stand up, sending a quick, warm smile. they headed towards corpse bedroom, slowly, as corpse’s legs were shaky, and his head felt dizzy when things were happening too fast. he explained to sykkuno that he’s experiencing brain zaps, a sudden shocks of energy on the back of his head, which also make his eyes go blurry and ears ring. 

it was hard for sykkuno to imagine, but he just figured to keep a hand to corpse’s arm, in case he would suddenly stop moving for a second. in the dark, they dig through corpse’s drawer, looking for some fresh looking clothes he could get changed into. it was harder than he thought to find any as he clearly hadn’t done a laundry lately. taking a new sweater, sweatpants and undies, they turned into the bathroom. corpse came in, leaving the doors slightly opened in case something would happen. sykkuno just stood there, guarding the door as if he was some kind of a dog. 

as he heard the other had turned on the shower, sykkuno started tapping his leg lightly. he wasn’t an expert on taking care of someone, wasn’t sure how exactly to help, but his presence here was what mattered, right? he looked around the living room. it was messy, and he slowly realized new things about it. like, the punched holes in the wall. the crushed glass painted with a red substance (sykkuno hoped it wasn’t blood). parts of a broken cd player. cigs digged under the couch. normally, seeing such a sight, he would be rather disgusted. his parents always forced him to keep his room clean and, while he surely wasn’t the best at it, prefering to have things just close to his hand, there was some limit even for him. 

but the weird thing is that he couldn’t feel disgust towards corpse. no. he felt worried and concerned. but he also understood. so instead, he thought that maybe he could help corpse clean his apartment. it didn’t look that hard. well, if they simply just threw the trash, the room would look totally different. cleaning was normally the last thing he would think of, but right now, he was excited that he would be of use to something. 

lost in his own thoughts, he didn’t realize corpse had already finished showering and changing. he stood behind sykkuno and tapped the older on the back. he actually jumped at it, quickly turning around. “oh! you’re here!” he chuckled at his own dumbness, and corpse smiled slightly at his reaction. he was now dressed in fresh clothes. his long, curly hair was wet, slightly uncurling as the water dripped on his sweatshirt. he had also taken out all of his piercing and the eyepatch for the shower and seeing corpse's new, innocent face made sykkuno soften. while he might have looked cold or frightening before, the only word sykkuno could describe him right now were just… cute. his face, without the eyeliner, the piercings, looked really young. even with the bags under his eyes and red runny nose, he looked like he was just really lost, in need of protection. 

corpse was also looking at him. they stayed like that for a couple of seconds, until sykkuno felt too embarrassed and corpse started to rub his eyes. “i think the meds are kicking in,” he announced in his low voice. that’s good, right? yes. corpse needed to sleep, after being unable to for so many days. sykkuno followed the younger to his bedroom again, watching him as he fluffed his pillows and took his side on the bed. 

all of corpse’s movements were very slow, probably because of dizziness and headache. sykkuno wasn’t exactly sure what he was supposed to do now. he didn’t want to leave; he wanted to make sure corpse’s morning with his meds was not worse than actual withdrawal. it could be like that. getting back on meds usually is even worse from withdrawal. he also wanted to help corpse in every way he could, and if that meant he would have to clean his entire apartment, he could sacrifice himself. his family back home and his chat waiting for a stream could wait. corpse’s well being was more important than that. 

he was already ready to leave the bedroom, leaving a sleepy corpse on his own, when he heard the younger clear his throat again. “sykkuno… don’t leave. please.” he said, his voice quiet as never. sykkuno came closer to the bed. in the dim light from the living room he could see that corpse had already closed his eyes. sykkuno smiled at how peaceful he looked. 

“i won’t leave, unless you want me to,” he said calmly, sitting in the other half of the bed. he heard a huffed ‘no’. 

well, he might as well sit here and maybe get some rest. he was having a stream before and also drove two hours, he deserved it. 

he felt a touch of corpse’s hand on his arm, gesturing for him to come closer. he did, with little embarrassment, but reassuring himself that no one can see them right now. and corpse needed this, and sykkuno would do everything for him at this point. well, no, maybe not everything, but surely a lot. he was special to the older. corpse might have looked tough, dressed always in black, with his low voice and muscular body. but inside: he was soft, extremely vulnerable, having problems with trusting others, scared of rejection. he was also alone, always alone, from the moment he was kicked out from his family. 

sykkuno kind of understood him. maybe not all of it, surely, but some parts. it was also hard for him to trust people, he was always extra cautious. he was afraid of being laughed at, so he would always rather hide his feelings than expose them. he would rather withdraw from society than live to its fullest. that's why his feelings for the younger, his minor desires, werehidden deep right now. he wasn’t planning to even acknowledge them, as he was still very confused about his sexuality. it didn’t matter. he was happy to just be able to be around corpse, to care about him, to have his trust. 

he was so lost in his own thoughts he didn’t even realize when a body appeared next to him. there he was, corpse curled up into sykkuno’s side. he felt warm, his curly hair laying on the older’s thigh. sykkuno almost cooed at this sight. he might have looked peaceful like that, but he knew his mind is full of negative thoughts and pains right now. he sighed, letting his hand slightly pet the dark curls. it was unfair, for such an amazing person to go through so much unpleasantness in his life. sykkuno closed his eyes and imagined the morning. he’ll surely help corpse with cleaning and will make sure he’ll eat and drink a lot of water. it will be probably worse than today, corpse might have much worse symptoms, might feel even weaker, might have an anger or panic attack. 

but it would be okay, sykkuno would be next to him, they’ll survive it together. he’ll be there for him, that should be fine. it will be okay, he says to himself, as he drifts off to his sleep, his head dropping next to the younger’s one. their strands of hair blended into each other's. 

**Author's Note:**

> ty so much for reading!!!  
> and ty to the discord server for helping me and keeping me company;3  
> also, pls leave a comment, i would really like that. let me know what you think!!!


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